Years ago, a drive-in movie owner saw you coming out of the trunk of his car and realized someone had snuck in without paying.
Now, when I see someone getting out of the trunk of a car, I know that’s probably where they live.
Saw this on Facebook: “Do you remember going to the drive-in?”
“I also remember the smell of the trunk.”
And, “Some of your friends will sneak you into their trunks at drive-ins. If they’re really good friends, they’ll let you go to the movies.”
Truman Hilt wrote: “One time I went to the Lockport Drive-in to see what I thought was a triple-X movie. When I got there, I found my car parked the other way.”
***
We are all familiar with the thermomolecular theorem, formulated by the ancient Greeks in 449 BC, who proved that radiation emitted and absorbed by a non-reflecting object is in thermal equilibrium with itself.
But very few people have heard of humble’s hydroheating hypothesis, so I’m going to fix that now.
Before I go to bed, I place one of the two pillows at the bottom of the bed so that my calves can rise a little when I sleep. One of my many doctor friends has convinced me that this will prevent ankle swelling. Then I added a chin strap to close the mouth. My wife, Masha, an almost perfect woman, had been looking forward to this moment all day. Put on your sleep apnea mask and turn it on. Put on the watch cap that secures all the straps in place when you go to bed, and put your feet up on the bed. Lie down and put your sleeveless sweater over your chest, tucking the top part into your shoulders so you don’t get cold when the blanket slips off at night. Reach overhead and turn off the night light. Pull up the covers, pull down the cuffs of both sleeves of your pajama jacket, and relax for the evening.
I quickly realized that I had forgotten to take out my hearing aids, put them in a small box, and charge them overnight. Turn on the light. get up. Remove sweater, straps, and mask. Get out of bed, walk to the hearing aid charging box, and place your hearing aids there. Return to bed and repeat the routine above. I did it so many times that I could do it in my sleep. Stretch your arms out to the sides of your body and smooth out the wrinkles in the hem of your pajamas. When you weigh 119 pounds, even small wrinkles can be uncomfortable when pressed against your bones.
I lowered my hands to the sides of my hips, inside the hem of my pajamas, and gripped my warm upper legs with two ice-cold hands. Thanks to Brownian molecular motion and Boyle’s law, my hands and legs quickly reached thermal equilibrium, and now my lower back is just as cold as my hands. I got up again and got Cairo and de Kock’s Dutch detective book. Because I’m already awake and can’t go back to sleep.
At 87, I wake up at 8:30 or 9 a.m. and wiggle my fingers and put my feet up. Lie quietly for another 30 minutes and monitor her heart and breathing.
If you’re still alive after 30 minutes, you’ll probably want to wake up.
You look at the medicine cabinet. If your medicine cabinet says you have to eat Sunday’s medicine, and it’s Monday, you should have slept all day.
First, read the article that your friend posted on Facebook. According to this article, temperatures rose in 98% of the earth last year. Who do you think owns the farm that is right in the middle of the remaining 2%? Yes. I’m already wearing long johns, but October has only just begun.
Elsewhere, the Minneapolis marathon was canceled due to record heat. The National Weather Service said they were expecting temperatures of 91 degrees Fahrenheit. Average high for Minneapolis-St. Paul area at this time of year is about 66 degrees.
Soon, the only suitable place to hold a marathon will be along Route 131 from Thomaston to Port Clyde and back, near my home. Participants may need to wrap themselves in aluminum foil to avoid losing limbs to frostbite.
The Humble Farmer can be heard Friday nights at 7pm on WHPW (97.3 FM) and can be found at:
www.thehumblefarmer.com/
MainePrivateRadio.html
Related article
Invalid username/password.
Please check your email to confirm and complete your registration.
Please use the form below to reset your password. Once you submit your account email, you will receive an email with a reset code.